Category Archives: Essays

As I Regress I Will Assess And Subsequently Progress

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When writing one of your strongest assets is that of concentration. The ability to start and finish a sentence without pause during its construction is one vital to strong literature. When a break is taken between the beginning and end of a sentence’s creation its fluidity is jeopardized. However there are no tautologies to this claim – some sentences require pause during their creation, demanding rest before made whole.

This past week I have put myself at creative jeopardy for a host of issues related to the one discussed above. At every opportunity I saw this past week to record word I blanched – fearing interruption and the sea of hardships that would come in tow. Instead of seizing what five minutes I found to stitch words together that I could then save to eventually revise and share, I made swift detours from ever opening a document to begin any attempt at creation. It was not five minutes of time I would have to write: it was five minutes I would have to try to write which would inevitably end in interruption and frustration.

This fear of frustration has resulted in the remorse of frustration I am currently experiencing as I solemnly look back at the week and see all the times I could have spent writing instead of wringing my hands in fear. That is ultimately what held me back from writing anything I could be currently viewing as valuable. Yet it has given me these words of reflection that will steer me straighter and truer in the future. So as I regress I will assess and subsequently progress – concentrating all the while.

Two Matters of The Mind

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The mind is a terrible thing to waste. Yet the wasting of one’s mind cannot always be prevented. There are only so many hours in a day and attempts to complete all desired tasks are unattainable. I won’t dare to state the impossibility of such feats for I am sure those of more unique positions are capable of fulfilling and living their dreams daily, however for myself the possibility of completing all that I wish on a daily basis is close to impossible and far from easy.

It seems that my mind daily rotates from topics of extreme rigidity such as programming and coding, to those of fanciful imaginings such as the poems that I write and sometimes post to this blog. Yet for me to enjoy each of these passions in one day is hard to obtain, for the time spent on each focus – and done well – detracts from the time allowed for the other (all this without concern for the time taken to switch between).

So what am I to do? What I have been doing: working on one topic to its completion and then journeying over to the other focus and resume or begin a work that is otherwise incompatible with the former. Coding and writing both make use of my fingers on the keyboard however the intent and focus of each are at odds. The former requires precision whereas the latter demands freedom. To write a line in a program and then a line in a poem is a feat I have yet to perform nor seen done with seamless integration.

And so I will go forward, as only one can, completing tasks as I am able, learning from all my persuasions and incorporating them while remaining stable.

Finding A Wider Audience

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And as he stood on the cliff he began to shout into the void, ‘Answer me, you coward! Can’t you hear me howl?’

When I was in theatrical plays I would rehearse my lines in my room. Over and over I would repeat my lines. I would read them in my head and then repeat them aloud. After a few strong read-throughs I would begin to act out my lines, performing to the phantom audience in my bedroom. I would hope to elicit some response from the shadows, however that was impossible because I was always giving a private show to an absent audience.

These rehearsals would repeat themselves and their quality would ebb and flow along with my enthusiasm. If it wasn’t for the live performance that was inevitably coming I am not sure I would have been able to keep such a strict rehearsal schedule. If I knew I would never have the chance to show my hard work and talent to a real audience I doubt I would have ever memorized one line.

This aspect of my theater days is reminding me of my current blogging days.

I love writing these posts. They give me an opportunity to share what I’m doing in my life, be it frivolous or serious. They allow me to articulate and plan out my thoughts, forcing me to think through concerns that after receiving due attention sometime turn out to be of no concern at all. They keep me in the rhythm of writing, forcing me to practice my art at written word and enabling me to hone my skills.

Most of all this blog allows me to share myself with the internet at large. And I love sharing. (no sarcasm intended)

However sometimes I feel as if I’m shouting into a void. I feel as if I’m writing these posts and they are only being read by machines and web-crawlers. And these feelings can become quite discouraging. For even though I know that my posts are being read by friends and family, it is my nature as an attention-seeking individual to yearn for more.

And that is what I intend to do. It is my decisive intention to widen the audience of this blog and increase my readership. I may try and pull some SEO books from the library, or read a few web marketing blogs. To remain idle and solely wish for change won’t have any effect. I must go and take action.

No Operating System Is Perfect

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Often I am asked what is better: Mac or PC? In my earlier years I would stubbornly argue for the PC, spouting off various facts, opinions disguised as facts, and general rhetoric to insure my point was proven.

In 2007 I made the switch to Mac. Now when the question was posed I would argue in favor of Mac, leverage Apple’s ad campaigns, rely on hardware aesthetics, and repeat ad nauseum the mantra ‘It just works!’

It has taken me a solid amount of time to arrive at an answer that makes me feel comfortable and confident: now when asked, “What’s better?” I reply with the wonderfully abstract and accurate answer of: “Depends on the user.”

Presently there is no OS that is objectively better than another. Each have their advantages and disadvantages, and those who believe that one’s subjective opinion of the quality of their preferred OS as a whole is better than another is naive. For when speaking of ‘better-ness’ one is dealing in opinion and judgement, a quality that is near impossible to objectively quantify. To assume that one’s preference leads to a marked objective improvement in quality is blinding themselves from flaws in the OS that may be reproachable to another.

I can understand the sport to argue who may wear the ‘crown’ of operating systems – yet a sport is what it must remain. Just as one may argue to another that apple’s are better than bananas, anything past sport and play is simple silliness. What must be retained throughout discourse is the shared property of ‘fruit’ that both an apple and banana share. Same for Mac OS X and Windows 7: they are both operating systems running on Intel CPUs.

In writing this post I do not wish to merely scold but to free as well.

For a long time I have been running a vanilla copy of Snow Leopard, content to use what Apple has provided. I was under the illusion that everything I could need or want has already been included, leaving me free to show concern to other interests.

It is only until late that I realized I should not suffer through the oddities I have found in Snow Leopard that clash with my workflow. The first huge source of friction I would continuously encounter is the behavior of the green ‘Zoom’ button found on every window. Rather than enlarge the window to use the entire foreground space it would reshape the window to odd sizes, sometimes reducing its size. With a simple search through Google I came upon a freeware utility titled ‘Right Zoom’ that replaces the behavior of the Zoom button to that which I desire. Now my green Zoom button maximizes the window, increasing my workflow and improving my OS experience.

There is no perfect operating system. One must strive for their own individual optimal operating system experience – be it Windows, Mac, Linux, or other. To blindly state that one is better than another reveals naivety and may lead to a mis-match of OS to user. The best way to answer such a question is to learn about the user and their needs. From there one may suggest an option, and never before.

With or Without: My 24th Birthday

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Life is moving far too fast to keep up with nowadays. I’m surprised I’ve even given myself enough time to write this little post. It would have been easier to write this if all the previous events had occurred spaced out, such that I was given enough time to process what happened and subsequently enough time to write out my thought process. Alas, this was not meant to be – but the events that have been are ones that I can not regret for a second.

Where is there to begin? Life just seem to race by, even when – and especially when – you’re staring it right in the face. It’s so odd that after so many nights of fruitless thinking and unresolved wonderings that the answer and resolution come seemingly without prompt, provocation, or beckoning. And yet that is how my life has taken form in the past month – coalescing into a shape that I have yearned for so long and more or less given up hope of ever achieving. Although I was without hope I was not without dream, and it seems my dreams have kept everything afloat.
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The Human Condition (or I Hate Being Human)

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Attention: The views expressed below are not wholly descriptive of my own, they retain an expository style meant to impart the feelings contained.

I hate being human. I realized this suddenly and strongly the other day. I also realized it with a sigh of relief: it may well be the answer to my – if not everyone’s – problem that is the human condition.

What is the human condition? It’s that feeling which always seems to lie just on the periphery of one’s consciousness – drifting into and out of one’s comprehension. At times the dilemma is clear and daunting – at other times distant and vague. There are times when it evenly straddles both realms, leaving confusion and unease in its wake, forcing sleepless nights with thought upon thought stampeding throughout the mind.

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Music

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Music, the conscious arrangement of sound. It’s as old as us. Music is in our bones. It’s in our hearts. Be it rain hitting a gutter or a harp being strummed: music is universal.

Yet there are so many different types of music. No piece exactly like another, each as individual as the snowflake we usually use to describe a person. The myriad possible combinations of arranged sound afford us the luxury that originality will never be exhausted. What joy I take from such truth – from such assurance.

And what of those musical permutations? To each mood a melody can accent and make flush with color. The strike of a piano key when played on a sunny day can create an unnatural brightness that is unabashedly welcome. The repeated striking of piano keys can put a grin on your face so wide that it would hurt if not rested. And what a welcome pain that would be.

Yet these moods and tunes are perfect compliments. Just as peanut butter and jelly is an eternal marriage so too is music and emotion. And to those who object to the union I implore you to inspect the silence you hear and see how its silent harmony warms your blood.

For every human has a song that is played in their heart. Be it a symphony or rustling wind, music will always be with you. It will hold your hand as you longingly gaze into the infinite horizon. It will squeeze tight as you wonder thoughts without answers. And it will keep you warm as the wind chills your arms – the goosebumps remaining a reminder of your peace.

And how can one song fit one mood for one person? Can two share such an experience – despite distance? As one lies on a beach in California one dives into the Mediterranean Sea, each hears the relaxing crash of waves. Their breathing slows and their heartbeat eases, relaxing under the dry sky and listening to its chaotic rhythm.

Must the language of a song be the same as your native tongue? Can an opera created in Italy evoke a similar reaction to its performance in Peru? Without translation the audience gasps and jumps as if they were natural speakers. The eerie transcendence of an opera’s performance is conducted with ease and grace.

Yet from day to day you decide the soundtrack that accompanies you. Not only is it hand-selected and voluntarily observed, it is normal and acceptable for music to be with you on your mundane and extraordinary experiences. And later when you rest at home, you’ll hear the same song that was playing when you got gas for your car and you’ll smell the gasoline in your chair. How amazing are these visceral melodies to evoke such resolute memories.

And so I continue on my way, listening all the while. No day can pass devoid of music, no matter its type. The days the sun beats down I fill with tunes of yellow hue. The days the moon shines persistently I bathe in varieties of blue. And the days that my eyes remain closed I hum to myself, keeping myself warm and content in my head.